Postpartum visit

Today was my 6 week postpartum check-up with my midwives; can you believe it's been SIX WEEKS!? I can't!

Anyhow, everything went great. I am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight, (too bad my pre-pregnency weight was 20 pounds overweight!) and all stitches have dissolved. Everything is healed and looks great according to the midwife.

Then she asks if I have thought about birth control yet. Well, while pregnant, hubby and I had discussed this. We decided and agreed that two children - especially since we were blessed with one boy and one girl - was enugh for us. So, it was agreed that if I ended up needing a repeat c-section, I would get my tubes tied. If not, he would get a vasectomy. Fair and simple, right?

Problem is, now I'm not so sure. Logically I DO believe that for us, two children are enough. Financially it makes more sense. Also that there is a parent for each child so we're not "outnumbered" makes sense.

However, emotionally for me I'm having a hard time facing this. I think it's the issue that I would not even have the option of having another child. It would be so...final. In my heart I do want more children - I've always wanted four. But in my head, I think it makes more sense to just have two. It actually kind of breaks my heart to know that if he has the vasectomy, I won't have a choice in the matter ever again. Yes, I know they can be reversed, but it's very expensive, not covered by our insurance and has a low success rate.

I am at an emotional crossroads right now and I'm not sure which way to go.

Hubby and I need to have a very long, serious discussion about our future.