This film really struck a chord with me. for those that don't know, or don't remember, I am going to explain what happened during labor and delivery with my first child and what I plan to do differently with my second.
WARNING!! This will be a LONG post!
When I was pregnant with Gigi, everything was a breeze. I had THE most wonderful pregnancy! I truly did enjoy EVERY minute of my child growing in my belly. I never had morning sickness or any other complications. I only had some slight swelling for the last two weeks before she was born. Although I loved being pregnant, towards the end I was anxious - well, down right impatient really. It wasn't that I was tired of being pregnant - or "done" with the whole "pregnancy thing" - as I've heard many women say. It was just that I was ready. I felt physically, emotionally and mentally ready to birth my child and finally hold her in my arms. Her room was ready, clothes washed, house cleaned. We had done the birthing class and hospital tour. Our bags were packed our birth plan thought out and discussed with my ob. We had her name all picked out and ready to go. Everything was done - we just needed the baby!
During my routine check up at 38 weeks 4 days, I told my ob that I had been having Braxton hicks contractions since the previous morning. My Ob decided to check to see if I was dilated at all. Sure enough I was 2 centimeters. This was on a Thursday. He told me to go have a light lunch and walk around for a while and then meet him back at the hospital between 3 and 4pm. He told me there was no way I would make it through the weekend. He flat out told me I was going to have my baby that day.
Well, I called up hubby and he left work. I went back to work to wait for him. When he arrived at my office we went over to Boston Market and ate a light lunch. We hung out for a bit - made a few phone calls to family and then headed over to the hospital. We arrived at Labor & Delivery at just after 3pm. I was taken back to triage and placed on monitors. A nurse came in to check the contractions and see if I was dilating. I was contracting - every 4 minutes by now - and they were real because I was now 3 centimeters dilated. I thought this was good, but the nurse said patients are usually not admitted until they are at least 4 centimeters but that the final decision was up to my doctor. My doctor was called and when he came in, he checked me again - still at 3. His solution to admit me - he stripped my membranes - something that was supposed to make me dilate more.
At about 4:30pm I was admitted and given a room. Contractions were still steady at 4 minutes apart - but more of an annoyance than painful at this point. Time came and went. At about 7pm or so I was still at a 3, so I was given Pitocin to make my contractions stronger. They still didn't bother me much with the pitocin. At about midnight my dr. came in a gain to check me. Now I was at 4 centimeters, but I guess one centimeter in that many hours was not good progress because he then proceeded to break my bag of waters. NOW the contractions were AWFUL!
As soon as my water was broken, the contractions were completely different. Before he even finished cleaning up, the Dr. asked if he should call the anesthesiologist now. I was in the middle of a contraction at the time so my answer was YES!! Within 15 minutes I had my epidural. With it in place I was able to sleep. I was checked again a few hours later - I was a five now.
Some point after that I had nurses rushing in making me get up on all fours, literally shaking my entire belly. The baby's heartbeat was dropping. When the baby's heartbeat came back on the monitor at a normal rate it was decided that she wasn't handling the pitocin, so the drip was stopped. They then placed an internal monitor on the baby's head. After about an hour or so of no more heart decelerations from the baby, the pit was started up again. Soon after, they completely lost the baby's heartbeat - something that should not happen when the baby is being monitored internally. Again I was being poked and prodded and given oxygen and being forced to change into 10 different positions until finally, the hear rate was back on the monitor. All this while NO ONE explained to me what was going on. When everything calmed down, one kind nurse - not my Dr., even though he was in the room- told me what was going on with the baby.
My doctor only jumped in to comment that he had to perform an emergency c-section - immediately. We could not wait because they did not know if they would lose the heartbeat again. The section was going to be the best - and only - choice for having a healthy baby. This decision was made at 6am on Friday.
Literally within minutes they had me in the operating room. My poor husband didn't even have time to grab the camera. At 6:13am - only 13 minutes after the decision had been made to have a c-section - our daughter was born. Her wailing let us know she was fine!
I was wheeled to a recovery room - my baby and hubby went down to the nursery. Some several hours later I was FINALLY able to hold my baby for the first time and really get a good look at her. On her tiny head was a bandage soaked in blood. My child had been cut during the c-section. Since there had been no more amniotic fluid to cushion her and she was already heading down the birth canal - my dr. had sliced her with the scalpel when making the incision into my uterus. My poor helpless baby - already harmed in the first seconds of life - and I did not protect her from it. What an awful feeling.
Now don't get me wrong, hearing my little one cry for the first time sent me balling! It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. My husband tells me that they placed her on my chest and I kissed her head. Unfortunately I was so drugged up - I don't remember ever doing that. My birth experience had left me sad, then angry, then depressed. I felt as if I had not given birth at all. I honestly felt as if my child had been ripped from my body where she had been safe and forced into the world before she was truly ready.
Honestly, I still - 3 years later - am not 100% over this. I feel like I was cheated. Robbed of what should have been a beautiful, loving, bonding experience. I was fully prepared mentally and emotionally for the pain and the hard work of giving birth but I was never really given the chance to see if I could do it. In the end I was not given a choice.
Here is the worst part. My daughter was born over Memorial Day weekend. Why is this the worst part? In hindsight, my husband and I realized, my Dr. didn't want to be called back to the hospital during Memorial Day weekend. He had even told us when we first arrived at the hospital that he had plans that weekend with his family - but this did not raise any flags at the time.
In the end, my labor and delivery was basically "scheduled" around my Dr.'s holiday plans. He wanted her delivered so he could go enjoy himself without interruption. It caused a horrible domino effect of interventions. Stripping of the membranes, pitocin, epidural, c-section. It all went hand in hand.
Thankfully my daughter was, and still is, a very healthy little girl.
Yet, the feeling of emptiness from the lack of a joyful birth experience remains. So this time around I hope to have a vaginal birth.
When we decided to start trying to conceive our second I called around to at least 10-15 different doctor offices inquiring about the option of a vaginal birth after c-section (vbac). They all told me the same thing; no, absolutely not, the risk was too high, I should just schedule a c-section and not think twice about it. Well, stubborn as I am, I kept calling people.
I finally found an office that would CONSIDER a vbac. It is an office of midwives. Something I had not ever considered. I had a consultation. The midwife went over my medical records. She looked over all of my prenatal records, labor notes from the Dr. and from the hospital and finally the surgery report. While she did explain that there is no guarantee that I would in the end have vaginal delivery - I was fit for a "trial of labor". This meant that I could try to go through the whole labor process - on my terms. If there is a problem during labor I will still receive a c-section. But the important thing is - I am being given a CHANCE!! That is all I want. In the end if a section is truly going to be the best for my baby, so be it. But that decision should only be made if necessary - not if convenient.
When I told some family members and even some friends about my choice to see a midwife and try to have a vbac, just about everyone thought I was crazy. They too agreed with the ob's that it was too dangerous - a c-section would be safer for both me and the baby.
Unfortunately, c-sections have become so commonplace in today's society that this is a widespread belief = c-sections are the "better" and "safer" choice.
What people are failing to realize and remember is; it is a SURGERY!! And a MAJOR one. It's NOT one simple cut and done. There are many layers that need to be cut, organs that need to be shifted and then replaced in the proper place when done, chances of major blood loss, organ damage and many other possible complications. It's a BIG deal. And the second is MORE dangerous than the first!
My mother and father feared the "uterine rupture" possibility when I told them of my decision. Truth is, depending on how the initial incision was made in the uterus and how it was stitched up and healed, a previously sectioned woman has the SAME odds of having her uterus rupture as that of a woman who has NEVER had a baby before.
I will still be delivering in a hospital, just down the hall from an operating room should the need arise. I still plan on getting an epidural - just waiting a little bit longer this time so I progress more.
But, My midwife will NOT induce, she will not administer pitocin. She will not push the epidural on me - she will wait until I ask for it. It was made very clear to me that everything must happen naturally - when my body and baby make it happen - not when a doctor thinks it's time for it to happen. This alone makes me so much happier in my decision thus far.
We still have about 7 weeks till my due date. We will see what happens when it all comes down to it. But again, at least it's on my terms this time around - not a Dr. with an agenda. This is the way it should be!
Before I officially step down from my soapbox, I just want to make it clear - I believe every woman has her own reasons for the birth plans she creates and strives for. I think most women have an instinctual knowledge of what will be best for them and their baby. I believe every woman should have the right to choose what is best for her and her baby - not be told by a third party. Whether it be a completely natural drug free birth, a pain medication assisted birth, a planned c-section - as long as it is the woman's choice - it's the right one.
Again, if you are trying to conceive or just discovered the wonderful news that you are expecting - just be informed! Educate yourself on your options as well as the possible scenarios of birthing. Make an INFORMED decision. REALLY put time and thought into what you want your experience to be like. If your doctor won't comply with your wishes (granted that they are reasonable) find another doctor!! Look into a midwife!! this is an experience that will remain with you the rest of your life - make sure it's what you want.
Finally, rent this movie!!! It shows both opinions - that of Ob's and that of midwives. It gives tons of facts about labor and delivery in our country. It's a wonderfully educational film!
As for me - I love the way my prenatal appointments have gone thus far. I like that the midwife is willing to wait out my pregnancy and labor so my body can do what it was made to do - what i KNOWS to do.
When the time comes to welcome my son into this world, I will truly be able to give a comparison of my two birth experiences - regardless of how he gets here. I truly believe that even if I end up with another c-section, I will feel more fulfilled by my actual labor experience this time around. At least I will know that I was given the opportunity to deliver on my own and that I tried my very best.
With just about 7 weeks to go, we will all find out soon enough!!
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